Confessions of a spotless mind
I was feeling low for the past few days and was thinking about it. I always thought that I am capable of making it to the top in most of the things that I do. I have been trying hard to make it and along the way I met talented people, learnt new things and I began to feel too low. I felt low because I realized that I am mediocre in everything I do – Music, profession, career and life in general (only exception is that I think I’m doing my best to my parents) – no matter how hard I try to come over it, I remain mediocre. Sometimes the odds are just against me. I also blow up everything in the same level of trying hard; always try to control myself but mostly in vain. Not that I am feeling bad about the latter because it makes me feel human.
I used to take pride in myself, but now I feel that it is this mediocrity that I was being proud of. And what a shame it is! I thought I was excellent when I was doing just average. I look at the talented and successful people and see that they have crossed their breaking point at a very young age, because they were all original and excelled in what they did. Look at me. I’m 29 and most of my dream plans remain just dreams. And that’s nobody else’s fault.
These days, I have such bad dreams of going back to the old days when I was a nobody (not that I am a real somebody now, but am talking about when I was a real nobody). I wake up and look around and realize that I am still here, in the comparatively new phase of life.
All these make me realize now that I was afraid to lose. I was scared of failure. Because I thought that I was destined for better things. I thought I was special. But I am not. And I think I should admit it first and then try to push the limits. From today onwards, I will do just that.
Meanwhile, I happened to read this blog post by Peter Bregman of Harvard Business Publishing (shared in Twitter by @GuyKawasaki) and it was so encouraging. The article is titled “Why You Need to Fail“. Read it if you’re feeling low too. 
Michael Jordan, arguably the world’s best basketball player, has a growth mindset. Most successful people do. In high school he was cut from the basketball team but that obviously didn’t discourage him: “I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career, I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to take the game wining shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
If you have a growth mindset, then you use your failures to improve. If you have a fixed mindset, you may never fail, but neither do you learn or grow.
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July 9th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
Jo…jo…hold on…!
Blogswara – An online platform for amateur musicians.
M-Pod – The first complete podcast in Malayalam.
Audio India – A group blog of music bloggers from India. A complete directory of music bloggers.
Does all this an amateur or mediocre one’s ? Nooooo..!
“You need to hate where you stand to move forward..” and i think you are on the right track and this post is an indication..good..positive move buddy..!
July 9th, 2009 at 5:56 pm
Hi Jo,
Jo is only for people who take life at face value and stand by it. As my limited knowledge you have done a lot on the blogging world.
I personally feel when we wanted to be someone else then lies the problem.
Try to enjoy what we do and be what we are is the only means be happy.
Cheers mate ! You rock as always
Ravi
July 9th, 2009 at 10:10 pm
Jo, it simply shows your humility and a deep desire to keep moving up. I see all healthy indications. Keep it up!
As far as feeling down is concerned, we all go though those phases. And those times should only make us stronger.
July 9th, 2009 at 11:53 pm
Love you
July 9th, 2009 at 11:56 pm
Me too Love you
July 10th, 2009 at 10:47 am
i dont consider you as mediocre or avg.. i have been seeing you for last 6 years and i can easily say that you have gone ahead a lot in your life. dude.. dont get disappointed you are already climbing the ladder of success. continue the good work…
July 10th, 2009 at 5:06 pm
Jo, I hold high respect for you. I wonder at your talents- blogswara, mpod, audio india, your thought provoking & informative posts, your reviews and best of evrything, your wonderful singing – handling everything actively is no easy job. And am sure you must be enjoying all this. Your ending note n link made me feel happy. Azam said it rightly, these times would make us stronger. Enjoy every bit of everything in life and keep up your great works.
July 10th, 2009 at 8:02 pm
All, thanks for the love and supportive comments. I appreciate it.
I know that this too shall pass.
So thank you.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:14 pm
You ARE a very talented singer. No doubt about it.
Mediocrity is not defined by you. It is very subjective too. Remember excellence is rarely rewarded.
I have noticed one thing in all your pictures-your eyes are beaming! That is hope and positivity in action! Keep it up.
We all love you.
July 11th, 2009 at 4:15 am
Come on Jo! Although I don’t know you personally, I am an avid reader of your blogs. With all such credentials that are specified by people here, do you think you are an mediocre person? Not at all…Cheer up and move forward…Rock on!!!
July 11th, 2009 at 9:52 pm
Joe…
I share your thoughts often and I can add this – money and position are never a measure of success. And in this mad quest of life, for riches, power & material benefits, you do not get the mental satisfaction that you got when one started, working, and earning say Rs 500 a month..
But it is right to have diversions that please you, like music, writing..and as you have all that joe, just relax and let the bad water flow under the bridge…Time generally sets things right
July 11th, 2009 at 10:57 pm
Thanks Ethiran, Raji and Maddy… Your words help a lot.