Confessions of a spotless mind

failureI was feeling low for the past few days and was thinking about it. I always thought that I am capable of making it to the top in most of the things that I do. I have been trying hard to make it and along the way I met talented people, learnt new things and I began to feel too low. I felt low because I realized that I am mediocre in everything I do – Music, profession, career and life in general (only exception is that I think I’m doing my best to my parents) – no matter how hard I try to come over it, I remain mediocre. Sometimes the odds are just against me. I also blow up everything in the same level of trying hard; always try to control myself but mostly in vain. Not that I am feeling bad about the latter because it makes me feel human.

I used to take pride in myself, but now I feel that it is this mediocrity that I was being proud of. And what a shame it is! I thought I was excellent when I was doing just average. I look at the talented and successful people and see that they have crossed their breaking point at a very young age, because they were all original and excelled in what they did. Look at me. I’m 29 and most of my dream plans remain just dreams. And that’s nobody else’s fault.

These days, I have such bad dreams of going back to the old days when I was a nobody (not that I am a real somebody now, but am talking about when I was a real nobody). I wake up and look around and realize that I am still here, in the comparatively new phase of life.

All these make me realize now that I was afraid to lose. I was scared of failure. Because I thought that I was destined for better things. I thought I was special. But I am not. And I think I should admit it first and then try to push the limits. From today onwards, I will do just that.

Meanwhile, I happened to read this blog post by Peter Bregman of Harvard Business Publishing (shared in Twitter by @GuyKawasaki) and it was so encouraging. The article is titled “Why You Need to Fail“. Read it if you’re feeling low too. 🙂

Michael Jordan, arguably the world’s best basketball player, has a growth mindset. Most successful people do. In high school he was cut from the basketball team but that obviously didn’t discourage him: “I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career, I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to take the game wining shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

If you have a growth mindset, then you use your failures to improve. If you have a fixed mindset, you may never fail, but neither do you learn or grow.