Just Jo

Imagine this.

Two little girls. Friends. Neighbors. They study in the same school and go to school together everyday. One studying in the 4th standard and the other in 3rd.

Their parents had come to an arrangement that one parent would take both kids together to school in the morning and the other would bring them back in the afternoon. The parents, both gentlemen. Love their kids so much.

Everything goes well with both families until one day one of the girls seems to be depressed and the school authorities decide to do a counseling. They find out that the neighbor who brings the kids in the evening, her good friend’s father, as old as her father, abuses her sexually.

Imagine that. Well, you don’t have to imagine much as this is something that actually happened in Kerala, as I heard from a friend last week. The school in which both these girls are studying has decided to do a counseling with all children in the light of this event. A very good step which is better late than never.

I have a request to all parents who are reading this post. All of you who have young girls and boys. Please do take extra care for your children. Don’t let that close friend, cousin or neighbor physically express their love for your kids. Don’t let them loose and spend time alone with these folks. Draw a line. People might ask, ‘why panic’ and ‘what about trust’ and all that. Damn trust. A pissed off friend/cousin/neighbor is anytime better for your children than a lifelong fear of hugs, touches and kisses.

Remember that dialogue which Nazeerudhin Shah’s character delivers in the movie Monsoon Wedding? “These are my children, and I will protect them from myself even if I have to.” Think about that.

I’ve just gone through a series of videos by Unreported World and two of them struck me so much because it was shot here in India. You MUST checkout their series of reports from world over and particularly the following:

The Broken People
“We’re forced to eat rats, because we cannot afford to buy food”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yc7iiFPDbDc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=leUEtR7ZUWk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GiLFVuosdm4

The Land of Missing Children

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7Wm4nasexY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_fT-yQ6WnE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7I4Lc-yDGJU

Because for men, it teaches leadership – says Mr. Rizdam. And it helps women control their desires and jealousies and bring them closer to God, says Rizdam’s wife Dr Gina Puspita. Both of them are supporters of Polygamy Club (yes, you read it right) in Indonesia.

Coming to think of controlling the desires (and thus bringing their men closer to God), the women out there should have asked their husbands to stick to monogamy, right? So does this mean that the women don’t care if their polygamist husbands are rot in hell? But it is not just about Indonesia. About an year back, a famous cleric from Kerala had justified polygamy because “Women’s menstrual cycle prevents them from sexual contact for 5-6 days“!

Anyways, not all women in Indonesia think in the same line as Dr Gina Puspita. For example, Nursyahbani Katjasungkana says this:

“When the scripture revealed to the Prophet Muhammad its direction on polygamy, it was during the time of war,” she says.

“I believe it was a direction to the Muslims of that time that all the victims of war or widows and children who lost a father or a husband have to be protected. That’s the message of the scriptures – it wasn’t really a command to men to have a second or third or fourth wife.”

I came to know about Savita Bhabhi just about a month ago, when the ban on Savita Bhabhi and the announcement of the site being shut down made news in the media. I Googled for more information on Savita Bhabhi and saw that the banned contents were available in many blogs. I must admit that the graphical images of Savita Bhabhi’s sexual adventures were well enough to satisfy my single sex life. Because, if the “girl-next-door” was a symbol of teenage romance, the “aunty-next-door” was one of the many teenage sexual fantasies for us guys and Savita Bhabhi made me nostalgic all the way and fed those teenage fetish very well.

It is then I read the whole crap that was going on in the name of Savita Bhabhi. Deshmukh, owner of the website who shut down the website following the ban, said that he made the website to prove that Indian women too have sexual desires. His point was that he was contributing to the liberation of Indian women. Very cleverly said, I must say (especially after revealing the identity behind an anime porn site). I have never had a chance to browse through the original SB site (it was banned by the time I could reach there) and so I don’t know if they have had any revenue model from the website. If they indeed had a revenue model (or was planning for one), Deshmukh displayed the qualities of a modern businessman who could rationalize his commercial interests.

And then I read Pritish Nandy’s piece in Times of India, titled “The assassination of Savita Bhabhi“. He see Savita Bhabhi comic as having some harmless fun spoofing the way we Indian men treat our women. He also see Savita Bhabhi as a symbol of freedom, of empowerment, of the sexuality our women can wield and of defiance against male chauvinism.

I mean, come on Mr. Nandy! Savita Bhabhi does not represent the liberation of Indian women. Her sexual adventures were mostly confined to her household. She did not dare to go for a Gigolo. She did not file for a divorce if she was unhappy with her sex life with her husband. She did not even go for a job to support herself financially. Is that whom Pritish Nandy calls a liberated Indian woman?

And is this really spoofing the way Indian men treat our women? Take the bra sales man or the domestic helper boy for example. The bra salesman has had an eye on her and Bhabhi’s seduction came as he wished. The domestic helper boy is an expert in ‘treating‘ his madams well and he too had his way with Bhabhi. The teenage boys who had sex with Savita Bhabhi said “let’s fuck her” and it almost turned out to be a rape. So is this the classic example of a free, empowered woman’s defiance against male chauvinism as Pritish Nandy calls it?

To put it simple, Savita Bhabhi had no other purpose than serving the sexual fantasies of people – men and women alike. With her graphically perfected body, she served the sexual fetish of mostly the men – old and young alike. Rest, including Pritish Nandy’s piece in Times of India, are all plain bull crap in order to rationalize their sexual fantasies (why don’t they simply admit that they liked the porn element?).

NOTE: If Pritish Nandy or any others want to read about a woman who used sexuality as a weapon to fight the oppression and an unjust social system, you don’t really need to search in the comics. Just dig a little bit into the history or read the story of Kuriyedathu Thathri in Maddy’s blog (read from paragraph # 6).

It was many years ago. I had just upgraded myself from a goldsmith to web designer in my professional life. Once I met this old man, who is an elder cousin of my friend and part of a royal family in Kerala. He is a well read man and we had a lunch time conversation at my friend’s place. “What do you do?” he asked me. I told him that I was a goldsmith but now work in the IT sector. “Youngsters these days prefer only white collar jobs“, he told my friend. “They think lowly of the ordinary jobs. How is this world going to function if people do only white collar jobs?“. I wasn’t surprised but was angry on his statement. I told him that the only reason that I got out of my previous job myself was the lack of respect that people had towards the blue collar workers.

We say that every job has it’s dignity. We talk about it a lot. Yet we seldom practice it. I know how people treated me when I was just a goldsmith. People didn’t even recognize my presence let alone respect. You would feel the difference of attitude everywhere. Among your friends, cousins and in the neighborhood. I am not neglecting that there were some rare good souls who valued me for who I was, but mostly I was treated with low priority in these circles. I understood it only when I changed my job, got a good salary and spoke English (yes, that’s still believed to be part of the elitism in our society).

Coming back to the royal old man and the people he represent, I think there is a class of people who don’t want the working class to upgrade themselves to a better living condition. Take the old man for example. He used to air travel when even public road transport was a rare thing in India. He was part of the Royalty, so money and respect came easily. But he shrugged off the people who fought with their life and won themselves a good living without a glorified lineage or any Godfather to back them up. And people like him cleverly use the statements like “people don’t respect ordinary jobs” while they themselves wouldn’t do any of those jobs.

We complain too. That these days masons or carpenters have become very rare to find. “How are things going to work if everybody’s looking for white collar employment?“. But would we go ahead and do the work ourselves? No. Would we take it as our profession? Absolutely not. Because we know the wages it is going to bring and how the society would treat us with that. We complain about the wages too. “The mason charges Rs. 350 a day. If the charges are skyrocketing like this, how are we going to survive?“. 350 bucks a day brings a mason less than Rs. 15,000 a month. And in the monsoon season, many of them are left jobless for days. Plus he has his own family to take care of, perhaps a daughter to marry off with dowry, the price hike affects him, and he faces every single crisis that we face every day. Yet those of us who draw more than 30K, 50K or Lakhs of rupees every month complain about his charges, but we don’t forget to ask for our annual salary hikes, bonuses and other benefits.

On this May Day, I would like all of us to think about the dignity of labor. And the need to respect people for who they are, not based on what they do. We all preach loads. When do we start practising it?

I read about a “sexual orientation test” in Rediff’s website through India Uncut. The test is in promotion of an upcoming Hindi film and the film is not seriously about homosexuality. It is supposed to be a comedy. Well enough, but Rediff’s questionnaire is full of stereotypes as an online friend, who is Gay, points out. I think probably this is the right time to write about my views on the most tabooed topic – Homosexuality.

I used to have strong views against homosexuals. Just like many of us have or had, I thought it’s unnatural and as a society we shouldn’t let it happen. I always thought about it only from my point of view and never from the other. I thought of it as a mental illness as it is propagated by the society, even though Wikipedia says that medical science has removed homosexuality from the list of psychic problems long back.

In my teenage, I and my friends used to make fun of homosexuals. We used to gather together In the evenings on those days. So when a Gay teenager passed over (and we told them apart by their girlish notions), we would make funny and nasty comments on him and some would even shout at him. A friend even suggested that ‘we should softly invite him for a blow job and when he comes along we should beat the hell out of him to straighten him up’. However, that did not happen as most of us thought ‘let them be’. So homosexuals were easy preys upon whom you could prove your ‘masculinity’.

So for us boys, the Gays were boys who behaved like girls. And we couldn’t digest it, as their outer self and inner self were contradicting. I never thought of how it would be for them if it is this confusing for others. Growing up, I have had abusive experience from pedophiles in the crowded places. It was mostly older men but for me, they were Gays too. So there were more reasons to hate Gays – Gays are unnatural and they sexually abuse boys. I didn’t know about the term Pedophilia or the fact that Pedophiles abuse kids, regardless of their victims being boys or girls.

As I grew up and read more on the subject, I began to understand the different sexual orientations and stuff. I learned that being Gay need not be about being girlish. Or all Lesbians are not so masculine. They could be just like any other man or woman, except for their sexual or romantic orientation. I still couldn’t digest because in most of the homosexual blogs or in their pride rallies, sex is a celebrated symbol. I felt it nasty and wondered why they would display vulgarity in public or why sex is so important to them. But later I understood that their whole fight is about this one thing – getting the society to accept their sexual orientation, treat them as normal people. In that case, what else do they have to showcase or speak about?

I thought of myself, what if I was Gay? What if I felt only for men and never for women? What if it was not a disease? What if it was how I born? It is only then, when I put myself into their shoes, that I understood how helpless is the situation of homosexuals here. We cannot ignore the existence of homosexuality anymore. It only leads to more youngsters going into prostitution or worse, suicide.

I think as grown up individuals, heterosexuals should take part in the cause of homosexuals. For the equal treatment and legal protection for homosexuals in the society and country. We don’t need to be homosexuals to take part in this fight. It is like how we fight for freedom of expression here in the online world, regardless of our political leanings. We talk about equality everywhere – Gender based, Religious, Racial, Regional etc etc. Then why not join in this fight too?

To quote actor Sean Penn from his Oscar speech:

For those who saw the signs of hatred as our cars drove in tonight, I think that it is a good time for those who voted for the ban against gay marriage to sit and reflect and anticipate their great shame and the shame in their grandchildren’s eyes if they continue that way of support.

We’ve got to have equal rights for everyone.

Let me end this post by linking to two Gay blogs that I stumbled upon. Sam‘s blog, he calls it “Straight-friendly Gay Blog”, for his posts that demystify the concepts that “Straight” world has about Homosexuality and Kris‘s blog for his music.

(Image source: Internet)

[This article first appeared as the cover story (on regionalism) in the December edition of Mutiny print. Mutiny is the first blog to go print. Click here to subscribe to Mutiny.]

My home is in a small town in the middle part of Kerala and I work in Kerala’s capital city. There is a common perception that people in this southern capital city are arrogant and cannot be trusted. When I was about to move to this city, I was told by many people that “do not trust them, they always cheat” or “the women out there are so clever and cunning” etc. Even people who live in the other southern districts were of the same opinion when it came to the capital city. After I moved to the new place and started interacting with my colleagues, some of them had curious questions about the northern part too. Questions like, “I heard that in the northern part, women head families and men are like mere servants?” or “I have had bad experiences while I was in your town. Don’t take me wrong, but most of the people from the northern part are not trust worthy”. I couldn’t help myself but laugh at these questions and I told them that it is the same perception that exists in the northern part about people from south.

And I am not talking about North India, when I say North. It is just the northern part of a state in India – Kerala. This is among the people who share the same language, culture and customs. And I think that the regional conflicts are going to be the next biggest threat that India will have to face after the current phase of communal issues. Or I should say India is seeing it already?

Ever since India has got freedom from the British, the nation has seen separatist movements from several parts of the country. The fact that India was a land divided of small countries in itself was a huge task for the people who took over the administration from the British to establish national integrity. It is a mysterious thing that we still stand united even though we have huge differences in many levels.

The differences were many – racial, linguistic and cultural. Telangana movement which dates back to the independence era was among the first of this kind which was based on the linguistic difference where Telugu speaking people did not want to be a part of Tamil dominated Madras state. There was Jharkhand movement which later became separate state. Take the anti-Hindi movement, led by the eminent Tamil leader Periyar Ramasamy, which was a result of fighting against making Hindi as official language of India. Or the Gorkhaland movement. Or the Khalistan.

But it is not just in the history that we have to search for examples of regionalism. Kashmir still stands in the front row when we look into the current issues. The north-eastern states in India feels alientated by the rest of India and separatism has taken form of militancy in some of parts of this area. ULFA in Assam for example. People fight in the name of linguistic pride whenever two states have a conflict between them. Remember the riots between Kannadigas and Tamilians in the south India? Or the discrimination and violence against north-east people and their women in the northern part of India. Or Maharashtra Navnirman Sena’s violent anti-North movement. Or the Biharis being targeted by the militants in Assam.

The other day I was discussing with my friends about the possible solutions to end religious conflicts in India. So many suggestions came up – like promoting agnostism and atheism, a stricter implementation of a secular state etc. Then one friend suggested that the only possible solution is more and more of a globalized world. “Globalization would displace people. It will force them to migrate to other parts of the country or world, in search of a better living and earning. Then they will be forced to mingle with other linguistic, religious groups and they will be stayed away from their regional/religious/community cocoons of comfort. This would give them no space to organize and fight for causes like regionalism or religion. Yes, they will be alienated from their roots. But peace will return.” But then, if globalization had helped people to alleviate conflicting issues, there would not be so much troubles still existing in the world.

India is witnessing more and more internal conflicts these days which are based on the regional and linguistic differences. The fact remains that we do not see this under current in the present situation of religious tensions. But once that is gone, is it going to be regionalism and related differences which will emerge as a stronger enemy to the very concept of India?

Malayalees first heard the word Hymenoplasty when the reports came that Sr. Sephy (one of the accused in the Sr. Abhaya murder case) had undergone this surgery. In the Sr. Abhaya murder case, Sr. Sephy allegedly had done Hymenoplasty to prove her virginity. The news that Hymenoplasty could help you restore hymen could come as a shocking news to some but also a relief to others.

For the world outside Kerala, Hymenoplasty is nothing new. In France, many young Muslim women reportedly have done Hymenoplasty to prove their virginity and avoid troubles in their family and marital relationships. The news of a woman being divorced in the very night of her marriage and the case went to court had sparked off a national debate in France. Although the news article which came in The Newyork Times was trying to paint the whole issue as a problem of Muslim world alone, the truth remains that all conservative societies, regardless of a particular religion, see virginity as an important factor in marriage.

There was a big fuss in India when actress Khushboo had said that no educated man should expect his wife or girlfriend to be a virgin. This has lead to nation wide debates over virginity and pre-marital relationships in India. Two political parties in Tamil Nadu state took the protest to burning Khushboo’s effigies and demanding an apology from here. Also many people, men and women, regardless of their political affiliations, had said in their private discussions that Khushboo was wrong. All of this finally lead Khushboo to make a public apology.

Individually most of the men and women I know prefer a virgin partner. Virgin men or women in particular are very demanding about it as well, even though they wouldn’t publicly admit it. However, there are no pre-marital virginity tests reportedly conducted here.

I just came to read a blog post that discusses the linguistic chauvinism and about the need of preserving a certain language. The language in question was Malayalam. The author of the post obviously got angry by the comment of a Government school teacher that a criminal case should be booked against the parents who send their kids to English medium schools. And I felt that both the comments from professor and the blogger have too much emotional elements in it.

The comment from the professor is of course stupid and irresponsible. Capital punishment to parents for sending their kids to the school of their choice is more of a laughable view point. However, in the process of placing counter arguments I feel that the blogger too has got emotional. There were a couple of questions raised in the post:

1) I speak malayalam, and read/write it with some difficulty, yet I do not see the point in learning poetry and prose! I mean, what is the whole idea?

A language is not just a mere tool for communication. There is a huge wealth of knowledge base that comes with it which is perfected across several years by several generations and passed on from generation to generation. This wealth of knowledge is recorded in various forms – Literature (and by literature, I am not referring to fiction only), proverbs, folk songs etc. Most of these forms contribute to a historical record of the then social system, society, eco system, weather and life in general. These have time and over shaped up the culture and our social and individual identity.

Now a possible question: Can the same not be translated to a globally accepted language, like English, so that it will be available to all those who are interested and they will not have to face the difficult of learning a particular language?

As well know, the language loses it’s beauty and more importantly the context, when it is translated. To understand something that is written in a language with it’s original beauty and context, you need to read it in the language in which it is written. The translations can have several interpretations and can be politically abused.

2) Languages evolve, but do they get killed?

Speaking of the death of a language, here is a quote from Wikipedia:

The most common process leading to language death is one in which a community of speakers of one language becomes bilingual in another language, and gradually shifts allegiance to the second language until they cease to use their original (or heritage) language. This is a process of assimilation which may be voluntary or may be forced upon a population. Speakers of some languages, particularly regional or minority languages, may decide to abandon them based on economic or utilitarian grounds, in favour of languages regarded as having greater utility or prestige.

Ironically, the languages which even evolve in itself can get killed by the same people who use it. The next question would be whether we need to preserve a language which is not in need by the same people who use it. But there comes the importance of preserving the knowledge treasure that the language has generated. And whether a person should acquire this knowledge or not is a personal choice, but there is no doubt that we don’t have any right to deny that treasure to the future generations to come, hence the need of preseverance.

English medium education and Malayalam

Learning English is essential these days to compete in the globalized world. I do not question that (and the sad state of affiars in Kerala state proves that even the English medium schools are not helping our children on using that language properly). But the news that the children being punished or fined for speaking Malayalam in the school premises do not leave a good impression on the kind of English education system that we have. This leaves an impression in the children that speaking Malayalam is a henious thing to do and they would begin to see their own language as third-class (which will then lead to view one’s own culture and tradition as third-class).

Linguistic chauvinism

Too much of love for anything that we hold dear to our hearts could make us extremists. So we need to take good care of the whole language-love not leading to regional or linguistic chauvinism. There is nothing wrong in taking pride of one’s own language or culture but when it turns to establish that only ours is supreme, it will cause trouble. That is what we see from the recent examples of social troubles caused by Maharashtra Navnirman Sena during anti-North Indian campaign or Kannada Rakshana Vedige during Raj Kumar’s capture and death.

[Image source: Wikipedia]

The Sangh Parivar and it’s supporters time and again have been saying that their violence is in response to centuries long oppression that Hindus had to face from it’s foreign invaders. They say Hindus had to suffer because of the tolerant nature of Hindus. They further explain that the Mughal raj, British raj, Missionaries and conversion are all results of this centuries long tolerance and universal acceptance of Hinduism. This has gained quite some sympathy from both national and international audience and is often used to justify the brutally violent acts of Sangh Parivar. But this story of tolerance is nothing but a myth.

Love, hate, tolerance and intolerace are all human traits. Religion could either enhance it or destroy it. The choice is left to the human beings. Jesus Christ taught the message of love and forgiveness to his disciples. He asked them to spead these words whereas some of his disciples simply went after spreading the religion and setting up it’s institution in the name of spreading his words. The abuse of Christianity had resulted in wars and religious persecution. Jesus Christ was gone and a religious institution had replaced him. This abuse continues to happen as we hear US president George Bush say “God would tell me, George, go and fight those terrorists in Afghanistan. And I did, and then God would tell me, George, go and end the tyranny in Iraq… And I did“.

Similarly, Hinduism is a beautiful philosophy. Many of the Hindu holy texts contain some beautiful thoughts and ideas. But by practice, Hinduism was not that universally accepting. The most celebrated “universal acceptance” of Hinduism is primarily based on our racist mentality that exists even now. I remember a couple of incidents – of how a northie wrote that “Madrasi chicks look ugly” which got the entire blogosphere in to a north-south divide discussion and then the most recent one from the first ever BlogCamp Kerala in 2008. One (and only) foreigner who attended the BlogCamp Kerala wrote this in his blog after the blog camp:

People were taking picture of me like I was a tourist attraction. 100 guys, 3 girls and one Guillaume, and everyone is interested in the Guillaume.

Yes, that happened in a so-called intellectual part of the society. Similarly, you go to an event, you see an african-american man and you don’t even feel like sitting beside him. But if he was white, you would definitely use any chance that you could talk to him and be a friend.

The above mentioned is one simple example of the racist mindset that we have. We love the color “White” or anything “foreign“. Hence we had warmly welcomed the Whites and other foreigners. This is one thing that resulted in the British Raj. The rulers of that time while they were treating their downtrodden within their social system (Dalits and poor people) like pigs, welcomed their White friends who later became their masters. Their own racist mindset resulted in all these. British Raj, Missionaries and such. And people call that racist mindset tolerance and universal acceptance. And that racist mentality is exactly what the problem behind conversion. Because it resulted in helping the foreigners, deep-rooting caste-system and poverty in it’s own society which later lead to missionaries and conversion.

If love, tolerance and acceptance were religious inventions, there wouldn’t have been atheists who are as humanitarians as some religious figures. The only difference is that such atheists (and I am not referring to some of those urban atheists who say “I am an atheist” for fashion) do not put any religion’s label in their work. So whenever you hear the Sangh’s doctrine about tolerance and universal acceptance, think again.