Asides

“I used to walk for kilometers to fetch the firewood for half the price of what was available in the neighborhood”. The mother told her son.

“I would walk with your elder brother lying on my shoulder, and the firewood on top of the head and rarely took the bus. Thus I could save 10 paise. I kept those 10 paises until I could make it to Rs. 200 and then I deposited that in the chit company”. Her son smiled, as he’s heard such stories of ‘living and saving within the limits’ from his mom earlier. He had just bought “Imagine“, a documentary DVD of John Lennon for Rs. 600 and a music album of the movie “Radio” for Rs. 160, just to see if Himesh Reshammiya is finally doing a good job on singing.

“I know mom. I remember one such time. We were going somewhere; You, me and two sisters together, I think. We walked all the way to the town and I wore a wooden high-heeled ladies chappal since my rubber slippers had nearly turned paper size. That pair of ladies chappals were abandoned by our neighbor and given to us if I remember it right. It was a hot summer day and I couldn’t walk on the road without the chappals. So after some protests initially, I had to put on those chappals. And guess what? I still remember that chappal, it’s shape and color! I don’t think I would ever forget that.”

“Have you ever thought why I had to do that? I wanted us to live within our limits and without debt. And with the little I could save, I could manage our family and it’s expenses including some weddings.” Mom said. The son took her hand in his hand and looked at her affectionately. He knew he would never understand what she said.

“I’ve worked all these years.” She said. “I’ve worked right from the childhood, starting with the paddy fields of my family in the old days. And now I lay here, not even being able to walk without help.”

“Don’t be silly. Everybody gets old and now is the time for you to relax and rest a bit. And sooner you will be able to manage things on your own. This is just temporary.”

He looked at his mother’s pale face. Her eyes were wandering around the white ceiling of the room; she must have been thinking of the old days. He planted a kiss on her forehead and said in his mind – “Don’t you worry mom, I will take care of you to the best of my capacity. I won’t let anything bad happen to you.” Then he prayed to God to keep his sources strong as long as his mother lived. He said, “Dear God, I won’t complain if you give me poverty, push me to debt, leave me living in a hut – but please, please – only after my mother’s time. When her time comes, I want her to leave happily, in prosperity and peace.”

As he looked at her affectionately again, the mother turned a daughter and the son turned a father. A circle of life was just fulfilling.

When bad luck hits, it hits real bad. Life is going through the most severe testing times that I ever had. But the interesting thing is that you grow stronger after every test though you would initially think that it would make you weaker. It also helps you to pause a bit, look at the life and people around you and actually SEE them. It is a great lesson by itself.

My mom had a massive heart attack at home in the last week. She had it twice in just 4 days at the hospital and I thought I would lose her. But all the prayers seem to be answered. She had an angioplasty done and has been moved from the ICCU to a room in the hospital and I am waiting to bring her back home. I believe that prayers and wishes of people can do wonders and I can see that now. I have also learned that Faith, Family and Friends are what a person needs to keep moving forward in life.

I thank all my friends who provided me the emotional support through phone, SMS, emails and in person. It was a great relief. I still need your prayers for my mom though. I couldn’t tell or write to many of my friends because I have been real busy at hospital up to this time and couldn’t leave a word. The only thought I had in mind was to get my mother back. But some of them came over to the hospital. I thank Dr. T V Manikandan (Cardiologist) for taking good care of my mom. He is a very nice person to talk to and was patient to explain everything to us. I also want to thank my friends Ajith and Sijo. Ajith and his friend Manoj personally looked after my mom very well in the hospital ICU and kept updating me every moment of her health. Sijo provided a no-question-asked, un-conditional support when it was asked for and needed the most.

Thank God for friends and family!

This is one of the most bored/depressing weekends. I don’t know if it is the weather today or the recent happenings in my life or a sum of all these that makes me feel blank today. I felt like crying and I thought twice before I just wrote “I felt like crying”. Shouldn’t I have put up a Macho face or a smiley face here instead of writing that?

Why is it so that when you are depressed you do not think about all the blessings that you have but what you do not have? Why is it so that you don’t thank God for the present and worry about the future? Why is it so that you want to hold your pain to yourself and not share it even with your close ones?

But I am thankful for all the wonderful people out there. Friends who SMSed me, called me, emailed me and said “you can talk to me if you feel like it“. Some of them are people whom I never met in my life. I’m also thankful to those who did not call, as I had written to them not to call because I did not feel like talking back then. I am also thankful to my mother who understood me and supported me throughout the recent events.

I have lost much focus on these days. I have lost my day dreams of the future and I need to come back to it. So now I am sitting up here and jotting down things just to remind myself of the things that I think I should do, or I think I want to do, I need to do or things that I really want to do. This is a self-notice post, so it may not be interesting to you at all.

• I want to do more with music. I want to do a music album. Composed and sung by myself. I want to give it my best shot. And as I remain an amateur singer, I would probably name it “The Bathroom Album“. 🙂
• I want to do another album where I would only compose songs and get my friends and other music bloggers to sing the songs in it.
• I want to get a job that would let me come home at the end of every workday. I envy people who can go home on every evening after the day’s work. But I think I should consider many other factors before I decide on this.
• I think I should learn how to be happy with the present situation (on all fronts – personal and professional) while not being stuck with it for a long time.
• I think I should stop feeling too much homesick.
• In a few years’ time, I want to stop working for companies and do business of my own. I want to start a web services company. I want to start it by myself and then slowly extend it to a small sized company of 10-20 over the years and keep it growing.
• I think I need to invest some more of my free time to achieve the above. I think I need to expand freelancing a bit more and get a steady flow of clients. Work on a bit hectic night schedules for a better future.
• I want to live and work in Bangalore for a couple of years.
• I want to live and work in a foreign country for a few months or a couple of years.
• I want to try different professions than IT, but need to check if it pays enough to pay my bills.
• I want to become a Radio Jockey.
• I want to get off Internet, job and take a very long vacation. I want to go on a trip, visit many places in India like Delhi, Bombay, Shimla, Kolkota, Haridwar, Jaipur etc. I might visit some of these places in the near future. I aso want to visit Africa, America, France, Germany, Russia, England and Switzerland (I have no particular reason why I mentioned these places).
• I want to fall in love. I should not force myself to it and it should happen naturally, even without me knowing that it is happening.
• I need to prioritize the above mentioned things and read it everyday and do a fact check on a half-yearly and yearly basis.

And I feel so much relieved after writing this! 🙂